Tinder.
Let me just open with this, I have used Tinder. It’s actually how Matt and I met. Don’t tell his parents though because they still don’t know.
I also know many people who have also used Tinder. Many of them have also found their significant other through the dating app and are currently living very happily together. My brother has found more roommates than he has girlfriends but honestly I don’t even know what he’s doing right now. And my best friend can’t stop attracting man children. They’re cute and all but they’re too worried about growing up too fast and not having their bros around for them to make good relationship/future husband material.
So for every one person I know that has met their forever person through a dating app, I know three more that are still yet to find that special someone.
I know, I know, it’s shocking that I know let alone speak to that many people.
I’m a constant surprise to my parents.
Anyway. Because I know how statistically rare it is to find your true love through a dating app before you become so fed up with the creepers on there, I have decided to arranged marriages are the way to go.
I can feel you scrutinizing that last sentence.
Hear me out.
Arranged marriages are really just your parents/a paid professional doing all the internet dating for you. And I remember how hard dating was. That constant feeling of not being sure where you stand with the person you’re talking to you. Wondering if they’re talking to someone else. Should you be talking to other people? Should you feel bad for talking to other people? Are you missing out on your chance at connecting with someone else because you’ve committed to this person who may or may not have committed to you?
Internet dating is not for the faint of heart let me tell you.
One time on a trip to Rottnest my friends changed my age preferences for a laugh. I had a rule that I couldn’t date anyone that was older that my brother Jesse. Granted that only gave me a three year age gap but that there were plenty of guys in that age pool. My friends changed it so that my age preference was as high as it would go. Fully to the end of both spectrums…
It was not pleasant.
Turns out that someone that used to be at my work was on there and saw me. My friends had been swiping right on everyone so we instantly matched. He sent a message asking if I worked at the store I work at. They said yes, and he said he remembered me and had thought I was cute. Keep in mind that the last time he would’ve seen me was when I was well and truly underage. Also, that he was like…50 something.
The conversation progressed to the suggestion that we get drinks sometime and it was thankfully not long after that that I returned my settings to something less awkward and yeeted all the old men from my DMs.
Then when I did finally find someone that I had a connection with and it seemed like he liked me too…turned out he was hooking up with someone else and I guess I was the side chick…holy shit…I was the side chick…Got absolutely jack all from it though. From there it was a series of rebounds and bad decisions until I found Matt one day when I was procrastinating from doing a uni assignment.
Can you imagine how much easier it would’ve been on my heart and my mental health if I’d just been able to avoid all of that crap in the middle. If I hadn’t had to learn the hard way that some guys can be literal trash. People I thought were my friends were only there because they thought they could get something from me.
It was a little surprising how many “friends” got mad when I started dating Matt. One of them actually called him stupid because he didn’t know enough about cars…my “friend” was a mechanic…it was his job to know about cars…Like to see him lodge bazza’s (if that’s how it’s spelt?) for corporations or help me with my business tax. Yeah…that’s what I thought.
Whenever I think about whether or not I would change what I’ve been through or the people I’ve dealt with, the answer is always no, because if I hadn’t had to deal with those situations or those people then I wouldn’t be the sassy sarcastic pain in the ass that I am now. I probably wouldn’t have as much personal experience to pour into my writing and my blogs would be a bit duller because well…who doesn’t love a splash of drama with their morning coffee.
BUT and here’s a big butt
Get it? Lol.
I would probably also be a lot less cynical. I wouldn’t be so quick to distrust people. If I had been able to bypass all the crap that I dealt with before Matt, I wouldn’t have had to get past so many of my own issues.
That one time that Matt made a totally innocent comment about my weight, that I think was meant to boost my confidence, instead reminded me of the time that my ex-boyfriend told me I needed to work out more because I was “too soft”.
Yeah. I know.
Or all the times I questioned if the guy I was with minded if I wore heels. I’m 5’10”. I’ve been 5’10” since I was sixteen-ish? Both my boyfriend at the time and the one who said I was too soft didn’t like me wearing heels of any kind because when I did, I was “too tall”.
I look damn good in heels.
Now with Matt, my 6’7” tree of a fiancé, I can wear all the heels I want, and he still calls me a short ass.
I don’t want my kids to have to go through the crap that I did. Or that my siblings have. Or my friends.
My best friend is currently trying to figure out if this thing that her and the guy she’s seeing is a relationship or not. He either already assumes that they’re in one and is oblivious to the fact that he needs to officially ask her to be his girlfriend, or he is unsure himself.
Sure as shit likes to spend the weekend with her though and messages her all the time that he misses her.
My other best friend has some serious anxieties when it comes to people. They are introverted and awkward and I love them dearly. All I want is for them to find a nice gamer girl and settle down with all the cats and horses.
Again, this is the kind of thing I’m talking about. An arranged marriage would figure all that stuff out. There wouldn’t be any of this “are we or aren’t we” crap. It would be a very simple, “You’re in a relationship now, your wedding date is this, if we find out one or both of you is being abusive in anyway, we’re calling the whole thing off.”
Honestly. All I want for my kids is for them to be able to avoid all of this uncertainty. The heartbreak and the loss of confidence. I dread we go over to my brother and SIL’s and my niece is crying over some dumb boy or girl. My nephew is already at the age where he’s started to notice girls. He’s either going to be a heartbreaker or get his heart broken…considering how much of a pain in the ass he is it could swing either way.
There is of course a third option.
My friends and I just have our kids marry each other….
I mean…it’s perfect right?
They’ll grow up together so of course they’ll be friends and if they’re not it’s cool. However, in the event that they do start to date and end up getting married at least I can guarantee that I’ll like the in-laws.
Can you imagine it? A wedding where all the in-laws get along, not just get along but are best friends. We’d be a force to be reckoned with. It’s almost like a dream isn’t it? Never going to happen but I can wish can’t I?
S.J Smith Books 