I’ve been asked a few times if I’ve done anything stupid because of baby brain. Now aside from the very obvious joke of “besides Matt?” my answer has been no. Until this week.
34 weeks I’ve managed to go without leaving my keys in the fridge or putting ice cream in the pantry. 34 weeks and 1 day and boom, I go ahead and do the stupidest thing I’ve done in 25 years and that’s including dating a three of my ex-boyfriends.
For a bit of backstory, I’ve been cooking with mum since I was five. The basic safety rules of the kitchen have been ingrained in me since the beginning. To this day I still hold my left hand behind my back when I’m pouring hot water because that’s what dad told me to do when I made his coffee so I didn’t burn my hand. It’s just an unconscious thing.
Mum always made it very clear to be careful with anything that has blades. Mixers, processors, everything.
The other day I decided to make casserole with dumplings and when it came time for the dumplings I chose to use the stick mixer to mix the dough. As you might be able to guess, the dough started to clog the blades so it needed to be cleared out so I could finish…
See where this is going yet?
Apparently at 34 weeks and 1 day I forgot all of the rules that mum spent years drilling into me. Yes, at 34 weeks and 1 day I did the stupidest thing I’ve done in my entire life. I started cleaning out the dough from the blades, without taking the attachment off or turning it off at the plug, while holding on to the other hand. You know, the end with the button that you press to make the blades go vroom vroom.
Yeah.
I yelled out in such a way that Matt thought we’d be going to emergency room. I couldn’t even form words beyond swearing.
Thankfully the blades of a Kmart stick mixer are not particularly lethal otherwise I might be missing part of my finger. And this finger has been through some shit. I accidentally sanded the knuckle in highschool on a belt sander, sliced it while cutting pepperoni a few years ago, there was also an incident where I sliced it on a metal shower caddy trying to stop something non breakable from falling off.
How I’m trusted with anything sharp I have no idea. Honestly how Matt has felt that it’s a good idea to leave me unsupervised is beyond me. If he thinks the dogs are adequate supervision then maybe I need to reevaluate his adultiness.
I’m genuinely considering just sleeping for the next four weeks until I can get this kid out. After all everyone and their mother keeps telling me that I should get in all the sleep I can now before the baby comes. Why not try for a light coma?
So yeah to summarise, the baby brain has officially kicked in. I can’t be left unsupervised. I have packing peanuts for brains. I need a nap. Someone send mini quiches and back rubs.
S.J Smith Books 