Achievement unlocked

I have reached a new level of achievement.

Before I get to that I have to explain a bit of back story.

A friend at work who is leaving soon to be a wonderful nurse, explained to me over lunch how a c-section is performed. If you aren’t already aware and don’t want to be aware I suggest skipping over the next paragraph. I’ll give you a sign when it’s safe.

So pretty much they cut through the skin and all the other stuff till they get down to the uterus, that…that they slice a little and then TUG apart. Like two people pull you apart. You don’t feel anything pain wise because of a spinal block but she said that the back and forth tugging can make you a little motion sick.

Anyways.

It’s safe now.

I decided that if I have to go through all of that, deal with the six weeks recovery and all the other stuff that comes with it then I want to get some kind of morbid amusement out of it. So, I’ve decided that as part of my birth plan, I want to reenact the alien birth from Alien. Dad suggested using a gremlin doll and honestly, I’m not opposed.

They’ll have to remove the baby pretty quickly so that counts them out of being the alien that’s being birthed. However, they still need to take some time to put me back together during which time we bring in the gremlin doll.

Now this is all depending entirely on me needing to have a c-section. At the moment, which is a very early moment, everything is looking pretty good so I may never be able to live out this desire of mine.

The new level of achievement comes in at the point at which I tell people this plan I have and whether or not they’re shocked.

My parents for instance, I wouldn’t say they were surprised so much as they were wondering what it was, they brought into the world 25 years ago. Mum in the way that she knew I was going to be weird but didn’t realise I’d be a psycho and dad loving the fact that I am a psycho because it makes everything just a little bit more funny for him.

I mean come on; he is the one who suggested adding the gremlin doll.

Matt just remembered that he married me by choice and questioned his own choices in life.

A few friends at work looked at me like I’d lost my damn mind but found it funny overall.

My closer friends however, not even a little bit shocked. Like they actually wanted to know how the OB reacted when I told him that this is what I want.

So let me tell you.

He loved it! Legitimately loved it. I started it off all serious, even Matt was confused because he didn’t recall me bringing up anything serious with him. And then I dropped the bomb.

He laughed for a good three minutes and then asked me to repeat my request. He then laughed some more before asking if he could tell his wife because that just made his entire week better. He also promised that if I had to have a c-section then we were going to make the Alien Birth Plan happen.

So yes, that’s my new level of achievement.

Being the kind of person that can say the words, “I want to reenact the alien birth during my c-section with a gremlin doll.” And it isn’t a surprise. It’s almost expected. So yes. This this is my achievement and I’m pretty damn proud of it.

So proud in fact that I bought a predator pop vinyl to take to all of my future ultrasounds. When mum and I went to my 20-week anatomy scan I took it with me…

Once I explained why I was holding a somewhat creepy figurine, the tech loved it. Even played along with our antics and tried to get a few creepy shots of his face for us. She did a great job by the way. Look at this creepy little face.

Speaking of, guess who’s in the 90^th percentile? This not so little goblin child. This kid was meant to be weighing in at 350g last week. He came in at 480g. I had no delusions that this child was going to be small. There was like a…5% chance based on the fact that Matt was a 6pounder, but seriously. We’ll see how things go at the next appointment but so far, I won’t be surprised if we’re heading to the hospital a week early for an induction because somebody is getting too big.

Just for fun here’s another picture of my little demon. God, I love this kid.