My Husband has a New Boyfriend

My husband has a boyfriend.

Well to be fair he has two boyfriends.

He has his new work boyfriend and his high school sweetheart who was also the best man at our wedding. These two boyfriends have never met, it would probably be weird if they did because they’re pretty different, but of course similar enough to peak Matt’s interest.

I can’t even say that I’m shocked that Matt found himself a kindred spirit at his new job. I mean in a workshop of six guys, two of whom are his brothers-in-law, what were the odds that he would instantly click with one of them.

I knew from the first day that he came home from his new job that this other man was going to be a problem. It was all “we went in the work ute to this place and he showed me how to do this and that”. A few weeks later they became friends on Facebook. A week after that it finally came out that Matt is in fact related by marriage to the boss. Up to this point work-boyfriend had just thought it was kind of weird that Matt was already friends with the bosses on Facebook and knew where they lived and had apparently hung out with them outside of work already.

It took Matt a few minutes of explaining and re-explaining that he was married to their sister. So, I think the high school sweetheart is ahead in the IQ points. No offence to the work-boyfriend. Totally not keeping score for my later amusement.

As soon as the Facebook friendship was official Matt’s phone didn’t stop getting notifications when he got home. I swear to you this kid messages Matt more than I do. Some days he spends more time with Matt than I do.

They’ve even started playing games online together, last night Matt was an hour late to dinner because they were playing games together. I wasn’t bothered because as it was, I was feeling sick and miserable and didn’t mind just dying on the couch with Criminal Minds. Also, he was nice to me and sorted out the leftovers and did all the dishes.

I think what truly solidifies them as a true bromance though is his opinion on Matt’s new work shirts. As is with any change in profession there is often a change in uniform. Matt went from his office attire, in which he looked good, to his tradie uniform. He’s gone from sensible shoes to steel caps. Perfectly ironed slacks to cargo pants pulled off the clothes horse. You get the gist.

Any who, when Matt went to get fitted for his new work shirts my brother went with him, and let’s just say that they didn’t necessarily test the size of the shirts properly. Matt likes them to have extra length because of his gigantic height and often the problem he is faced with is that while they get longer, they also get wider. Which is the case with his new shirts. Personally, I think he looks good in his new uniform.

Trust me when I say that it’s a very confusing event when Matt comes home. He looks like Matt. He walks and talks like Matt. But he smells like my brothers. He smells like grease and dust and sweat, a smell that I have for half of my life associated with my brothers and their profession.

Now my husband comes home and he’s wearing the same uniform and he smells like them when they came home and dear God what have I done.

I digress.

While Matt feels that his shirts are too baggy, there is someone else who doesn’t feel this way, someone who isn’t me. His new work boyfriend. You see when Matt said he didn’t like how baggy they are and was going to ask my mum if she can take them in for him, the new bro’s response was “nah man, I think it looks good on you. You look good.” I also imagine that there was a flirtatious wink thrown in there.

I know Matt will never leave me, for many reasons. But damn if these hoes aren’t out there flirting away with him trying to lure him away with their promises of installing new head units in his car and battling hordes of zombies together.

Look it’s fine. I’ll just be over here, wondering how it is that I ended up married to an only child, car guy and tradie…All things that I swore I was going to avoid. Eventually I’ll learn to just embrace the irony, but for now I’m still trying to get over how I essentially married my brother.

I’d say therapy would be the answer, but we’d probably just end up day drinking before the therapist books themselves a therapy appointment.

Added note, Matt got home from work half an hour ago and he’s mentioned his new boyfriend eight times already…nine. Now he’s talking about using his new boyfriend to make one of his exes jealous. And now he’s judging me as I type because I told him I was using him as fodder for my blog.

He just told me another story. The count is now 12.

Matt sent me this picture to describe their relationship…at least he’s leaning into it.