The other night at work I had a conversation with a friend at work about their university degree. They were having doubts about whether or not what they were studying was the best decision for them. This is a feeling that I am more than familiar with.
It sucks. A lot.
The problem with feeling like what you’re studying isn’t the right choice for you is that you’re then forced to decide between; not “giving up”/ “quitting” OR doing what’s best for you and your mental health.
Due to my extensive knowledge of such feelings I felt it imperative that I impart some of my infinite wisdom on feeling terrible and how to…not.
A few years ago I had much the same situation. I was three years into a four-year degree, had switched to studying part time to try and reduce my stress levels and found myself spiraling down into a deep dark hole with no visible escape. While I had initially enjoyed the degree that I was studying, and met some great friends, one of which I am still close with to this day, I realized a few years too late that I didn’t want to be a psychologist.
My childhood dream job had always been to be a writer. All of the adults in my life at the time, while encouraging of this dream were also a bit more realistic. They knew that it was hard to make a career out of writing. My mum had actually written a few manuscripts in the past but nothing came of them in the end. So it was suggested that I have a backup, a career to fall back on while I was working towards my dream.
This was a valid suggestion and I stand by it.
Need to make money somehow.
It was either psychology or being a stripper.
Should’ve become a stripper.
I’m kidding.
Maybe.
Anyways.
So I told my friend a little something that I realized when I was trying to decide whether or not I should drop out of uni. My mum had given me a piece of advice which I don’t think she realized back fired but it worked out anyway.
The advice was this, ‘’You need to decide what’s important to you and prioritise it.”
Now I’m pretty sure that when she told me this she had been expecting me to realise that my uni degree was important and put more effort it, but that’s not even close to what happened.
What I realized instead was that I didn’t care about my degree. I mean I cared in the sense that I was spending a lot of money on a degree that I wasn’t ever actually going to use, but beyond that I didn’t have any cares to speak of. What I really cared about was work and my writing.
The writing thing wasn’t anything close to a surprise. I’d come up with the concept of my first novel, Mafia Princess, a few months after Matt and I got together and couldn’t think of much else until I finally had it finished.
What did come as a surprise was work.
I ended up doing a lot of units online because I wanted to have time to work more. I only went into uni because Matt had face to face classes and I think I had one or two that didn’t offer online…not that I actually went anyway but hey the work still got done so pffft.
I was more concerned with advancing my career in the job I already had. I saw opportunity all around me and I was really good at what I was doing. The prospect of management positions was becoming a not so distant reality and as much as I hate dealing with people (great trait for a psychologist, right?) I was really good at what I was doing.
I was learning as much about all the different departments as I could, I was working full time hours. My assignments were a burden that I couldn’t have cared less about if I tried.
After sharing my perspective with my friend I pointed out the vast differences between myself and another work colleague of ours. Same age, same uni degree as my friend, totally different priorities.
It was clear by his attitude towards work that he was prioritizing his uni degree. He still does his job to the best of his abilities, but when he’s asked to do extra shifts at the same time that he has a lot of assignments, he says no. If he’s on uni break then he’ll stay back or come in early but during the semester he is dedicated to his studies.
For myself, I had decided what was more important to me before I’d even realized. And what a startling realization it was. When I told Matt about my realization he said he already knew. Apparently he’d known for a while that I didn’t care about uni anymore but just hadn’t wanted to say anything.
Thanks for the heads up, bud.
So for anyone out there who is currently wondering if what they’re doing is the right thing.
Maybe it’s not, and that’s okay.
It’s also okay to reassess your priorities down the track. I realized that my job was more important to me than my degree, but a year ago I had to make the decision to prioritise my writing career over my current job. Everyone changes as time goes on. Your needs change.
So if you’re having a hard time figuring out what it is that is more important to you, look at your behaviour. You may have already made the decision without realizing.
If it’s a decision that you’re not happy with, change. Actively choose what you’re going to prioritise.
If something is making you miserable and you know it won’t be accomplishing anything for you in the future, then it might be time to give it up.
One of the other things that I found it really hard to come to terms with was that taking a leave of absence from uni and eventually dropping out, wasn’t me “giving up” or “quitting” in the negative sense of the words. It was putting myself first. It was realizing that what I was doing wasn’t making me happy and that I was not only wasting my own time but my money as well. It was a hard thing to wrap my head around.
From what I gathered my words of wisdom helped. They helped a very confused friend come to terms with something that they already knew deep down. They helped me when I thought I was a failure. I hope that at some point someone else comes across this rambling mess of a post and it helps them. Whether it be right in that moment or months or years later, they just so happen to remember that weirdly disjointed blog they read and realise that they’re not alone.
I also reccomend that you go ahead and listen to The Script’s If It’s Not Right For You.
S.J Smith Books 