I don’t know if I started it but I’m quite certain I’ll finish it

With isolation comes fights, movie nights and pranks. Matt has shown me many videos on tiktok of couples who have pranked each other. My Facebook feed is also full of them. There was this one woman who put baking soda in her fiance’s tomato sauce but it exploded too early and went everywhere and he hadn’t even come home with dinner yet.

These videos amuse me more than most because not only have they gone to prank someone but it’s backfired on them exponentially. It reminds of a time a few years ago when Matt thought he would be funny. Stay with me as I set the scene. I’m half-asleep in bed, all nice and cozy. Matt is getting up to go to work and sees that I have one hand peeking out from the covers. He thinks it would be funny to put something in my hand…a teabag of sorts.

If you know you know. If you don’t…well…

So feeling something in my hand I instinctively closed my hand around what had been plopped into my hand. It was at this moment that Matt realised that his idea while originally amusing to him might not have been his smartest move to date.

I still bring this up whenever I feel like reminding him that his ideas aren’t always the greatest.

This brings us to today. No he didn’t do the same thing…though I wouldn’t be surprised if he does something similar. No no today’s lack of trust in our relationship started because of a song.

Matt decided to test out the gym equipment that he just finished putting together and of course changed out of his sleep pants into some shorts. Not being able to find his gym shorts he picked out some board shorts and said, “Looks like we’re going to the beach,” and for whatever reason this triggered my brain to start playing back Nicki Minaj’s Starships. A song I haven’t heard for years. In a moment of brilliance I brought up Spotify on my phone and started playing the song for Matt to hear. I even followed him to the spare room/new gym room with the song still playing.

He decided to retaliate by playing some inane Logan Paul song about counting on his speakers very loudly. I despise this song so much that I refuse to even look up the name of it. It’s stupid and I can’t believe it’s even a thing.

Now I’m sure he thought that it was over. He’d made his point.

No no sweet summer child. Not even close.

I decided to wait. I just needed to bide my time a little bit. Catch him unawares and all that.

Five minutes.

I waited five minutes.

You remember that scene in Friends were Ross carries on about unagi?

Well it looked a bit like when Rachel and Phoebe got revenge.

I burst into the room and yelled “NOT SAFE!” Matt who was doing squats just about shit himself and I was reduced to giggles.

Why ‘not safe’? Its a reference to a conversation we had about a month ago about whether or not it was safe for essential workers to go and spend time with their older/health compromised family members during the peak of the corona virus pandemic. This conversation resulted in me going around the house very dramatically yelling at Matt ‘not safe!’ I scared him no less than three times. It was great.

It was an act that prompted him to threaten to wait till I was asleep and start yelling ‘not safe’ at me. I reminded him that he would probably get punched in the face. As most of my family can attest, I don’t take kindly to being woken from a dead sleep.

So here I am, unsure where the next attack will come from, or if it will. Matt makes a lot of empty threats so him retaliating could be another one.

Though he should keep in mind that he falls asleep far quicker than I do…

As a side note. If you’re new here it’s only fair to warn you that most things get related back to Friends.